Towards the beginning of this movie, the Thunder God Thor, our main character in the Marvel Studios Film "Thor" flies through a ice monster's head, killing it. It's pretty cool. But then, after that, most of the movie takes place on earth where Thor has lost his powers. We just saw him fly around and kill a bunch of people and now we're supposed to be cool with him just being a confused strong guy? No thank you. The ingredients are there for a fun, enjoyable movie, but the order is all wrong. Also, if it wasn't so typical hollywood fashion, I'd cry out about the lack of good quality roles for owls in these big budget blockbusters. But, I think you're already aware of that current situation.
2.5 out of 4 Hoots.
We're 2 Owls. And We Review Food. And Other Stuff.
Mini Review: My Facebook Feed Since Hunting Season Began
*Editor's Note: In order to up the level of reviews we publish here at 2OwlReviews, and because certain subjects/restaurants won't merit an entire lengthy review, we've decided to introduce Mini Reviews to the site. We've toyed around with naming them "Pellet Reviews" because they'll be small... a little nugget of a review, one paragraph pellet sized. To avoid confusion, currently they'll be called "Mini Reviews."
My Facebook Feed Since Hunting Season Began
I'm no fan of deer, they're emotionless dicks. Try socializing with a bunch of deer if you want to seriously doubt your conversational small talk skills. That being said, there's something very Abu Ghraib about people posing in front of these dead creatures. I've seen so many 'almost lindy' photo shoots and adults placing their children near these dead carcasses. Well, it's enough to make an owl want to log off of facebook altogether.
0 out of 4 Hoots.
I'm sure their is a pride and joy in the act of hunting another animal, but frankly, I don't care to see the end results and we don't give a hoot.
My Facebook Feed Since Hunting Season Began
I'm no fan of deer, they're emotionless dicks. Try socializing with a bunch of deer if you want to seriously doubt your conversational small talk skills. That being said, there's something very Abu Ghraib about people posing in front of these dead creatures. I've seen so many 'almost lindy' photo shoots and adults placing their children near these dead carcasses. Well, it's enough to make an owl want to log off of facebook altogether.
0 out of 4 Hoots.
I'm sure their is a pride and joy in the act of hunting another animal, but frankly, I don't care to see the end results and we don't give a hoot.
Tzatziki Grill - A Roger Review
At 2485 North Clark Street in Chicago sits a little spot called the Tzatziki Grill. It's a great opportunity for an owl like me to have some lamb. The last time I tried to eat a lamb things got a little out of claw. Let's just say my eyes were bigger than my stomach. They have to be big, since I need to hunt and all. I didn't know what I was thinking, trying to take down a whole lamb all by myself. I managed to get one leg down the ol' owl gullet, but my beak wouldn't snap the bone. This meant essentially that the lamb just had its leg stuck in my throat. I couldn't take any more of it down, what with my stomach already being full, and before I knew it I was stuck. The lamb got up and, to my dismay, started walking around. The hunter had now become the prey, and I had turned into a peg leg of sorts. The 14 vertebrae in my neck were all kinds of crinkled, and this lamb was stomping my stomach into the ground every time he took a step. I looked ridiculous. I was in severe pain and 3 hours later, when I coughed up the pellet, it basically just looked like a black sock around its foot. The lamb then asked me to do the other 3 feet so they matched. I declined.
The lesson I took was to ALWAYS have your lamb prepared for you. I'm an owl. It's just not worth the trouble of taking it down yourself. That's where the Tzatziki Grill comes in. It combines lamb with beef to make a gyro-style meat, taking all the trouble out of my talons and putting that meat in a wrap where it belongs. They have cucumber and pepperoncini, amongst other things, and while it feels more like a burrito, this wrap is all Greek to me. Pair that up with infinite refills on the soda fountain and fresh cut fries (Don't get me started on how hard it is for an owl to get a proper potato) and you've got a recipe for success.
No frills, no nonsense, no worries. I'll eat here again.
3.5 out of 4 hoots.
The lesson I took was to ALWAYS have your lamb prepared for you. I'm an owl. It's just not worth the trouble of taking it down yourself. That's where the Tzatziki Grill comes in. It combines lamb with beef to make a gyro-style meat, taking all the trouble out of my talons and putting that meat in a wrap where it belongs. They have cucumber and pepperoncini, amongst other things, and while it feels more like a burrito, this wrap is all Greek to me. Pair that up with infinite refills on the soda fountain and fresh cut fries (Don't get me started on how hard it is for an owl to get a proper potato) and you've got a recipe for success.
No frills, no nonsense, no worries. I'll eat here again.
3.5 out of 4 hoots.
Whitney - A Samson Review
WHITNEY, Season 1, Episode 3 "Silent Treatment"
Occasionally we'll review things here at 2OwlsReviews that reach outside the areas of "food" and "trees to perch on." This is one of those things.
I didn't plan to watch the 3rd episode of NBC's new Primetime sitcom "Whitney." It wasn't something I set out to do, but a neighbor of mine who lived in a house and owned a television and who WASN'T an owl had it on... and I caught myself watching it from my home across the street. I'm an owl, I have excellent sight and hearing. And my curiosity sucked me in and made me lose a half hour. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but 8:30 Central is prime hunting time for me, not when I'm winding down and settling into bed. I'm an owl. I'm reviewing "Whitney," so hopefully you won't feel so inclined to check it out.
"Whitney" is written, created by and starring "Whitney" Cummings. It's a throwback show to be sure, especially on the otherwise studio audience free Thursday night lineup that precedes it. But it's also a throwback in that it seems to be set in a hip version of the late 90s. "Whitney" seems to alternate between being an ironic play and being a long, slightly humorous monologue that has been assigned to be delivered by a handful of different people.
And when it's not seemingly being an ironically bad sitcom from the late 90s it's having Whitney or various characters propose a food suggestion or an item in everyday life, just to have a second character riff on what's wrong with that item and/or food suggestion. But the same reason that feels gross watching it on television is the same reason that it would feel gross in real life. I don't want someone to do an act for me, or to give me previously written jokes or quips when I ask them if they want to get Chinese or go to the dog park. I want someone to have a conversation with me and to react in the moment. Beginning Stand Up Comics will try to sneak their act into everyday conversation and it feels gross because they're not being genuine, they were just waiting to be set up to say their funny thing. And that's what "Whitney" seems to be all about. Different characters take turns setting up different characters to riff on a thing... and then they just walk away. It's gross.
This specific episode involved main character Whitney accusing her boyfriend Alex of checking out a lady while they stand in line for coffee. Alex denies that he was in fact checking out this lady. Whitney decides it's appropriate then to give Alex the silent treatment which ends up stretching at least 2 days. Let me repeat that, she gives him the silent treatment for at least two days because he checked out a girl in a coffee place and then said he didn't. Now, we owls are solitary creatures. We don't hang out much with each other. But when we do, it's agreed upon that we don't act like super big bitches for pretty much no reason at all. We're owls, not female dogs.
If you think the next step in this story would involve Alex enjoying the silent treatment that he's getting, because you know how men in relationships don't like their girlfriends to talk at them? Well... congratulations, you just guessed the next beat. And if next you think... well, what if Whitney realizes this and then goes the other way with things, and does all the annoying stereotypical girlfriend talk you can think of, if you just recently watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days... well then you might have written this episode, or you were wondering out loud what would be the easiest natural progression from what you've seen so far and what would match in tone and quality how awful the show has been up to that point.
And it all ends with a "guys are like this, girls are like that!" speech from Alex. If that sounds like a good sit com to you or a charming way to spend half an hour... well, I've got some pellets to sell you that are NOT filled with mice bones and my waste.
0 out of 4 Hoots
We Don't Give A Hoot.
Occasionally we'll review things here at 2OwlsReviews that reach outside the areas of "food" and "trees to perch on." This is one of those things.
I didn't plan to watch the 3rd episode of NBC's new Primetime sitcom "Whitney." It wasn't something I set out to do, but a neighbor of mine who lived in a house and owned a television and who WASN'T an owl had it on... and I caught myself watching it from my home across the street. I'm an owl, I have excellent sight and hearing. And my curiosity sucked me in and made me lose a half hour. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but 8:30 Central is prime hunting time for me, not when I'm winding down and settling into bed. I'm an owl. I'm reviewing "Whitney," so hopefully you won't feel so inclined to check it out.
"Whitney" is written, created by and starring "Whitney" Cummings. It's a throwback show to be sure, especially on the otherwise studio audience free Thursday night lineup that precedes it. But it's also a throwback in that it seems to be set in a hip version of the late 90s. "Whitney" seems to alternate between being an ironic play and being a long, slightly humorous monologue that has been assigned to be delivered by a handful of different people.
And when it's not seemingly being an ironically bad sitcom from the late 90s it's having Whitney or various characters propose a food suggestion or an item in everyday life, just to have a second character riff on what's wrong with that item and/or food suggestion. But the same reason that feels gross watching it on television is the same reason that it would feel gross in real life. I don't want someone to do an act for me, or to give me previously written jokes or quips when I ask them if they want to get Chinese or go to the dog park. I want someone to have a conversation with me and to react in the moment. Beginning Stand Up Comics will try to sneak their act into everyday conversation and it feels gross because they're not being genuine, they were just waiting to be set up to say their funny thing. And that's what "Whitney" seems to be all about. Different characters take turns setting up different characters to riff on a thing... and then they just walk away. It's gross.
This specific episode involved main character Whitney accusing her boyfriend Alex of checking out a lady while they stand in line for coffee. Alex denies that he was in fact checking out this lady. Whitney decides it's appropriate then to give Alex the silent treatment which ends up stretching at least 2 days. Let me repeat that, she gives him the silent treatment for at least two days because he checked out a girl in a coffee place and then said he didn't. Now, we owls are solitary creatures. We don't hang out much with each other. But when we do, it's agreed upon that we don't act like super big bitches for pretty much no reason at all. We're owls, not female dogs.
If you think the next step in this story would involve Alex enjoying the silent treatment that he's getting, because you know how men in relationships don't like their girlfriends to talk at them? Well... congratulations, you just guessed the next beat. And if next you think... well, what if Whitney realizes this and then goes the other way with things, and does all the annoying stereotypical girlfriend talk you can think of, if you just recently watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days... well then you might have written this episode, or you were wondering out loud what would be the easiest natural progression from what you've seen so far and what would match in tone and quality how awful the show has been up to that point.
And it all ends with a "guys are like this, girls are like that!" speech from Alex. If that sounds like a good sit com to you or a charming way to spend half an hour... well, I've got some pellets to sell you that are NOT filled with mice bones and my waste.
0 out of 4 Hoots
We Don't Give A Hoot.
Domino's Pizza - a Samson Review
Domino's Pizza Delivery - Medium Pepperoni & Bacon Hand Tossed Pizza w/Breadsticks.
On a surprisingly hot, but quite pleasant autumn afternoon, I decided to treat myself to some pizza for lunch. It was Friday afterall, the end of a hectic work week. And by work, I basically mean, sitting in trees. Flying around sporadically. I wanted something, cheap and easy, but still delicious, like a field mouse but NOT a field mouse if you get what I'm saying. I remember seeing some commercials for a company telling me that their pizza wasn't very good, but they were working on it and that apparently they were putting a guarantee on the box that the pizza was now good. Well, what's good for the goose (my friend Sperel, who is a goose, and likes Domino's) is good for the Gander (my friend Steve Gander, who is also a goose), so I decided that Domino's it would be.
Finding a coupon online, I ordered 2 medium 2 topping pizzas, some would take this opportunity to try two different types of pizza, but I'm a fan of stocking up. So I ordered a pepperoni & bacon and a pepperoni & bacon. And some breadsticks. If you haven't ordered online from Domino's in a while, you're in for a treat. Not only is the process quick and easy, but after placing your order, you'll be taken to a screen that updates you and shows you exactly what step of the pizza cooking and then delivering process your pizzas are currently residing in. This is an example of technology done right. Some would say it's an unnecessary convenience. But, I'm often amused by bright lights being shown on me in the middle of the evening, because I'm an owl. So, I enjoyed it.
As for the pizzas themselves, they were good... about what I was expecting from a chain pizza place, certainly nothing to shake a stick at. The pepperoni and bacon provided a nice counter balance to the melted cheese and marinara sauce gracing this hand tossed pizza. The Italian seasoned crust was a nice new addition to "new dominos" and one that I enjoyed quite a bit. I ordered a garlic dipping sauce to go along with my bread sticks and used it constantly with the ends of my crust. I feel I would have enjoyed them just fine without the dipping sauce. Unfortunately, what made the crust special, was what went a little overboard in the bread sticks. There's such a thing as being over seasoned... and these bread sticks understand that quite well.
Also, a minor quip, but one of the two pizzas was not properly cut into slices. It seems in their rush to get it out the door, they forgot to properly quality check, leaving it unsliced. That wasn't a big deal to me, I'm an owl. I eat it by pecking my head down and grabbing off little bits of pieces and then looking around nervously as I swallowed them down. But I imagine that would be an annoyance to someone with hands.
2.5 out of 4 hoots.
On a surprisingly hot, but quite pleasant autumn afternoon, I decided to treat myself to some pizza for lunch. It was Friday afterall, the end of a hectic work week. And by work, I basically mean, sitting in trees. Flying around sporadically. I wanted something, cheap and easy, but still delicious, like a field mouse but NOT a field mouse if you get what I'm saying. I remember seeing some commercials for a company telling me that their pizza wasn't very good, but they were working on it and that apparently they were putting a guarantee on the box that the pizza was now good. Well, what's good for the goose (my friend Sperel, who is a goose, and likes Domino's) is good for the Gander (my friend Steve Gander, who is also a goose), so I decided that Domino's it would be.
Finding a coupon online, I ordered 2 medium 2 topping pizzas, some would take this opportunity to try two different types of pizza, but I'm a fan of stocking up. So I ordered a pepperoni & bacon and a pepperoni & bacon. And some breadsticks. If you haven't ordered online from Domino's in a while, you're in for a treat. Not only is the process quick and easy, but after placing your order, you'll be taken to a screen that updates you and shows you exactly what step of the pizza cooking and then delivering process your pizzas are currently residing in. This is an example of technology done right. Some would say it's an unnecessary convenience. But, I'm often amused by bright lights being shown on me in the middle of the evening, because I'm an owl. So, I enjoyed it.
As for the pizzas themselves, they were good... about what I was expecting from a chain pizza place, certainly nothing to shake a stick at. The pepperoni and bacon provided a nice counter balance to the melted cheese and marinara sauce gracing this hand tossed pizza. The Italian seasoned crust was a nice new addition to "new dominos" and one that I enjoyed quite a bit. I ordered a garlic dipping sauce to go along with my bread sticks and used it constantly with the ends of my crust. I feel I would have enjoyed them just fine without the dipping sauce. Unfortunately, what made the crust special, was what went a little overboard in the bread sticks. There's such a thing as being over seasoned... and these bread sticks understand that quite well.
Also, a minor quip, but one of the two pizzas was not properly cut into slices. It seems in their rush to get it out the door, they forgot to properly quality check, leaving it unsliced. That wasn't a big deal to me, I'm an owl. I eat it by pecking my head down and grabbing off little bits of pieces and then looking around nervously as I swallowed them down. But I imagine that would be an annoyance to someone with hands.
2.5 out of 4 hoots.
Delightful Pastries - a Roger Review
This week I decided to swoop on down to Delightful Pastries at 1710 N. Wells Street in Chicago. First let me say that getting into this place can be a bit of trouble. There's no practical owl entry, so I had to wait for someone to open the door so I could fly in.
The place is indeed delightful, as the name implies. There were several places to sit, though perching space was at a minimum. The shelving is full of colorful creations from some dedicated chefs. Some people think we owls don't see colors due to the abundance of rods as opposed to cones in our retinas, but let me tell you, folks: we can.
With so many pastry choices, I did the only rational thing I could: I ordered a caesar salad with chicken. Usually when I take down a chicken from the air, I end up getting more meat then I need. To circumvent this, the restaurant grilled up a peppered chicken breast right there on the spot. It took a few minutes, but the fact that my food was made to order definitely made it worth the wait. I wish I could say the same for the rest of the salad. There were anchovies on it. Now, if I had the ability to read, then I would have known this beforehand, but I'm just an owl. Reading is not in my wheelhouse. Neither are anchovies. Too much salt for this palette. So I picked them off and discarded them only to find a whole bunch of iceberg lettuce. Yaknow, the pastry side of this place was really nice and thus I expected them to use a higher quality of leaf, like maybe a Romaine or some spinach. I don't get down on the veggies that often, so when I do I only want the good stuff. The croutons were above average, probably made from house bread, and the dressing was lightly applied. Altogether a healthy meal.
To counteract that health, I had a key lime pie for dessert. It was a single serving pie with a graham cracker crust. I'm a big fan of citrus and sour things, since my beak leaves me with the inability to possess a sweet tooth. It was nice as a novelty - not something I'd get all the time, since I prefer a little more lime and a little less crust. Still a treat for the likes of me, since peeling my own limes can be a daunting task, and flying to the Florida Keys to get them just isn't practical, what with my schedule and all. For on-the-go birds like me, they pack things up in a to-go bag that suspiciously resembles a bag from Victoria's Secret. I held it with both talons to make sure nobody got the wrong idea.
Delightful Pastries is worth a stop. It's a charming little bakery. I won't be ordering a salad there anytime soon, but the wonderful array of pastries as well as the house-made coffee make this a go-to spot for people that are a bit disenchanted with the whole Starbucks scene (and hoo isn't?) I'll be back soon to see if they've made that mole flavored quiche that I asked for.
Overall, 3 out of 4 hoots.
The place is indeed delightful, as the name implies. There were several places to sit, though perching space was at a minimum. The shelving is full of colorful creations from some dedicated chefs. Some people think we owls don't see colors due to the abundance of rods as opposed to cones in our retinas, but let me tell you, folks: we can.
With so many pastry choices, I did the only rational thing I could: I ordered a caesar salad with chicken. Usually when I take down a chicken from the air, I end up getting more meat then I need. To circumvent this, the restaurant grilled up a peppered chicken breast right there on the spot. It took a few minutes, but the fact that my food was made to order definitely made it worth the wait. I wish I could say the same for the rest of the salad. There were anchovies on it. Now, if I had the ability to read, then I would have known this beforehand, but I'm just an owl. Reading is not in my wheelhouse. Neither are anchovies. Too much salt for this palette. So I picked them off and discarded them only to find a whole bunch of iceberg lettuce. Yaknow, the pastry side of this place was really nice and thus I expected them to use a higher quality of leaf, like maybe a Romaine or some spinach. I don't get down on the veggies that often, so when I do I only want the good stuff. The croutons were above average, probably made from house bread, and the dressing was lightly applied. Altogether a healthy meal.
To counteract that health, I had a key lime pie for dessert. It was a single serving pie with a graham cracker crust. I'm a big fan of citrus and sour things, since my beak leaves me with the inability to possess a sweet tooth. It was nice as a novelty - not something I'd get all the time, since I prefer a little more lime and a little less crust. Still a treat for the likes of me, since peeling my own limes can be a daunting task, and flying to the Florida Keys to get them just isn't practical, what with my schedule and all. For on-the-go birds like me, they pack things up in a to-go bag that suspiciously resembles a bag from Victoria's Secret. I held it with both talons to make sure nobody got the wrong idea.
Delightful Pastries is worth a stop. It's a charming little bakery. I won't be ordering a salad there anytime soon, but the wonderful array of pastries as well as the house-made coffee make this a go-to spot for people that are a bit disenchanted with the whole Starbucks scene (and hoo isn't?) I'll be back soon to see if they've made that mole flavored quiche that I asked for.
Overall, 3 out of 4 hoots.
An Introduction to 2 Owl Reviews
Hey folks, Roger here. You know I was doing my thing the other day, seeing how far I could rotate my head, asking general questions about the names of people, when I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have to swoop down and catch a field mouse tonight? How great does a burrito sound right now? I could fly into Chipotle and grab a burrito - because let's be honest - I'm not going to get steak any other way, unless we cross breed a cow with a mole or something, or get some kind of shrink ray... Even then, I have no opposable thumbs or fingers, so it would take 2 passes - one holding the shrink ray in my talons, shooting the cow, and then another swoop to grab aforementioned smaller cow to eat. Logic stated that this needed to be a joint operation, and I was going to need another owl to make this run smoothly.
And that's where I came in. Samson Owlson at your service. I've been preying on rodents with Roger for a while now. It's true, owls are solitary creatures, but that doesn't mean we don't have friends. Roger talked to me about his great shrink-ray-a-cow idea. We definitely mulled over the possiblities, getting far enough along to create storyboards and make a super sweet mix cd for the occasion. But, as luck would have it, we're both owls. We don't know how to make a shrink ray. We're owls. We looked at the original notes and blueprints and saw the word "chipotle?" scrawled down in owl-scratch, with a circle around it. We decided we'd eat at chipotle. And since we were doing that, why don't we review it for our friends; owls and non-owls alike?
That's what this blog will be. 2 Owls Reviewing food. And sometimes other stuff, but mostly food. Occasionally we'll tag-team a review. Sometimes we'll write our own personal owl review. We're going to operate on a four hoot rating system, one to four hoots, with four being a great score. If something is really bad, well, we're owls. We won't give a hoot.
And that's where I came in. Samson Owlson at your service. I've been preying on rodents with Roger for a while now. It's true, owls are solitary creatures, but that doesn't mean we don't have friends. Roger talked to me about his great shrink-ray-a-cow idea. We definitely mulled over the possiblities, getting far enough along to create storyboards and make a super sweet mix cd for the occasion. But, as luck would have it, we're both owls. We don't know how to make a shrink ray. We're owls. We looked at the original notes and blueprints and saw the word "chipotle?" scrawled down in owl-scratch, with a circle around it. We decided we'd eat at chipotle. And since we were doing that, why don't we review it for our friends; owls and non-owls alike?
That's what this blog will be. 2 Owls Reviewing food. And sometimes other stuff, but mostly food. Occasionally we'll tag-team a review. Sometimes we'll write our own personal owl review. We're going to operate on a four hoot rating system, one to four hoots, with four being a great score. If something is really bad, well, we're owls. We won't give a hoot.
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